I think that people should leave their genitalia at home.

Wouldn’t that make life grand?

No more fuss about corporate washroom hierarchy. Gender studies at universities all over the world would become much more civilized overnight. Public gyms could knock down a few walls, at least.

I mean, the human form is a very esthetically pleasing object. But try doing a scale sculpture of a penis, and NOBODY is going to want to look at it. Well, maybe a few, but...

If we left our genitals at home, we could actually double or triple our productivity at school or the workplace. Never again would your head do pinwheels when the cute bike courier came in to drop off yet another sweaty, musk-laden envelope. “Oh well,” you would say, “I left my genitalia at home, so there’s nothing I could do about it, even if he came over here and asked me to readjust the padding in his Lycra shorts right now.”

See? Simplicity itself. Life is good when your genitals are in your drawer.

We could store them like old people store their dentures. In a little cup by the bedside. And if you were in the mood, presto! A quick snap-on arrangement, or a little Velcro, and you’re rarin’ to go! And after you’re done, clean up is a breeze! (much like a Ronco food dehydrator!)

You’d have to be careful about losing your genitals, though. Although I suppose there would be a huge black market for designer genitals. Imagine that, if you will. If you were rich or well connected enough, you have a different set for any occasion; like cufflinks or earrings.

And I think that’s how I really feel about genitals. They’re like jewelry. Except they’re ugly. And you can’t take them off. But they are fun to have. But they’re really basically frivolous and sometimes dangerous and counterproductive. So leave them at home, and the begin the rest of your life as a happy little eunuch.

That all I really have to say about that.

-Nasser Shahid Hussain
-Androgynecologist at large.